| Author | Message | ||
| steve
Moderator Username: twobyfour Post Number: 155 Registered: 05-2005 |
As we traipsed from cottage to barn to feed Betsy, yes your Betsy, Irene hopped from track to track in last night’s first snow, intent on the size of my footprints. Did you blurt an iron guffaw when Irene dubbed Betsy’s oats “horsey spices?” Did I detect a rusty snicker when she went on, compared them to cinnamon, or sugar, sprinkled on her toast? Then Irene found you in the corner, and I told her how you were lucky, even though you smelled slightly of manure. You must have belly laughed when she said you were a permanent smile. She carried you everywhere, clutched to her chest when SpongeBob had a terrible string of bad luck. So here you are, a toothless Cheshire grin, at the bottom of the bowl, solemnly placed by a child, who looked at me like I’m so silly after my spider-on-my-face shriek, for not understanding about the spice called lucky. | ||
| Gary Blankenship
Senior Member Username: garyb Post Number: 4896 Registered: 07-2001 |
I'm struck while reading this that Betsy and Irene were severe storms. Betsy a 3. A good read, even for my odd connection. Smiles. Gary The new, August FireWeed is ready for you to read. Go in through http://www.mindfirerenew.com/ to get to the issue in a click or two. | ||
| M
Board Administrator Username: mjm Post Number: 5277 Registered: 11-1998 |
This is a charming piece, steve. You had me smiling the whole way through. And I give you extra credit for making Betsy's shoe a horseshoe. No one went there in the Challenge. Leave it to you to come up with something this creative. Some inlines for you: As we traipsed from cottage to barn to feed Betsy, yes your Betsy, Irene hopped from track to track in last night’s first snow, intent on the size of my footprints. {Something about this line is reading incomplete to me. Intent on the size -- seems like it should be intent on admiring the size, or something like that. Something is missing.} Did you blurt an iron guffaw when Irene dubbed Betsy’s oats “horsey spices?” Did I detect a rusty snicker when she [went on,] compared them to cinnamon[,] or sugar, sprinkled on her toast? Then Irene found you in the corner, and I told her [how] you were lucky, even though you smelled slightly of manure. You must have belly laughed when she said you were a permanent smile. She carried you everywhere, clutched to her chest when SpongeBob had a terrible string of bad luck. So here you are, a toothless Cheshire grin, {oh, Cheshire grin is much too easy, much, much too overused. C'mon -- give us something new!} at the bottom of the bowl, solemnly placed by a child, who looked at me like I’m so silly after my spider-on-[my](the)-face shriek, for not understanding about the spice called lucky. | ||
| Zephyr
Senior Member Username: zephyr Post Number: 2865 Registered: 07-2003 |
A light touch and great conversational tone here, enjoyed this Steve.  | ||
| Cary
Intermediate Member Username: ponderlust Post Number: 368 Registered: 07-2005 |
Steve... I was halfway through this before I realized that Betsy is a horse and that line where you said "she smelled/ slightly of manure" was met with initial hilarity but still remained quite cute after context was better shoed. I've never understood the symbolic luck in a horseshoe... and I like that you've offered that sometimes that luck isn't exactly good (which is why the horseshoe has ended up in the bowl of popcorn right? Even aside Spongebob perhaps? ). I agree with M about the Chesire grin and I'm half-heartedly going to say the same thing about the belly laugh. I do like the ending and the idea that maybe lucky is a spice. Next time I at the grocer's, I'll looking into buying a few pounds. Cary... |
